Sub Rosa
by Gambhrina
Summary: But, I did not want to be thronged by an endless sea of thankful people. I wanted to talk to HER - and I just wanted to see HER. Harry/Ginny


**Author's Note**: _It's been forever since I've written fanfiction. Excuse me if I'm rusty. I do not own Harry Potter (unfortunately.) Story is told in Harry's point of view._

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**Sub Rosa**

_All I wanted to do was escape the madness that was spilling into the crowd. I wanted to see her—and only her. _

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As I watched Ron and Hermione making their way to the castle, hand in hand and with their eyes entranced by each other, I believed that it was only fair that I allow a little time for myself. Hoping that they would not notice my disappearance until they had stepped into the main hall of Hogwarts, I quickly made my way down the sloping, verdant hill of the school courtyard, heading for a large, mossy rock that sat nestled in the grass. Sliding, I nearly missed my destination, but managed to cling onto the rock just before I pasted it. For a second, I allowed my fingernails to run against the solidness of the rock, and then, snapping out of it, I sat down as quickly as possible.

I was near fainting—I had no idea why.

Was it the shock of realizing that the fight was over? That Voldemort was no more, and no longer would I have to feel the prickling of my scar and the worrisome anticipation of experiencing more losses? Or was it the thought that I would not have to wonder where Voldemort lurked, or if he was watching from a distance? I could still almost see the venomously sinister stare that he flashed at me as he clutched tightly at the Elder Wand, the whole entire room of the Great Hall draped in pure silence. And then the memory of my last swish of my wand (that was no longer my own) appeared within my mind—a swift movement, and then the appearance of a bright light as it collided with Voldemort body, swiping his "life" from the world forever.

I buried my face into my hands and then took in a deep breath.

_The fight was over._

_I would no longer have to worry._

Suddenly, a quiet laugh came from me. Either I was slowly going mad or the thought of that I would no longer have to delve into an endless stupor of fear and perilous escapades seemed to put my tension at rest.

Sliding my hands down my face, I used my palms and arms to balance my head as I stared out in the distance. The Forbidden Forest seemed be at a quant, unusual rest. The forest itself seemed to lose its menacing features now. It was as if my death march had somehow softened the woods; and then, my short end had resulted in it softening even more.

Now that Voldemort was no longer present to strike fear in the hearts of the wizarding world, everything that had once intimidated me lost all of its menace. It was apparent that fear and danger had somewhat evaporated into the air and had then been replaced with elation and excitement.

It was finally beginning to hit me.

_I wouldn't have to think about the next time HE would strike. I could now, at some extent, concentrate on being a teenager and think about other matters—if that was even possible for me._

_Other matters_: it resounded in my head, bounding against my skull. My glance had returned back to the castle that sat behind me, radiating warmness and joy, but at the same time holding the fruits of the war. There was an unknown fissure that went through my body; it suddenly made me jolt to my feet, causing me to utterly push the latest events into the back of my mind. As my legs took control, I began to make my way up the side of the hill once more, making unnecessary starts and leaps as I fought to reach the top. I pushed my way through rubble from the building and copious amounts of shredded clothing as I trudged up the stairs of the castle.

The vivid lightness of the school hallway nearly blinded me. I was shocked into pure silence for a reason that I could not entirely decipher. I found myself examining the countless amounts of rubble that was littered on the carpets of the hall; the dust that caked the walls and covered pictures like blankets; the shredded scrolls and the shattered statues that had once been in good condition; the scratched doors and the remnants of dark colored bodily fluids stained against the ground. The condition of the castle stunned me into impeccable silence. I stared at the small pieces of scroll that lie on the ground, ultimately reminding me of seeing Tonks, Lupin, and Fred's lifeless bodies lying upon the Great Hall floor. . . family and friends surrounding them as they sobbed. . .

Shaking my head, I made my way to the doors of the Great Hall. Pressing my head against the doors, I listened to the noises of the several hundreds of people talking and murmuring about today's events. I could already imagine what would happen upon the time I stepped into the room; I would be swarmed by supporters. I would have to experience the "hero's handshake". I would have to push my way through the crowd of people in hopes that I would find Hermione and Ron, who were most likely not even present in the Great Hall at this moment. (I wouldn't have been surprised, considering the fact they were a couple at this moment.)

But, I did not want to be thronged by an endless sea of thankful people.

I wanted to talk to _her_, and I just wanted to see _her_.

Seeing that I had no choice but to wander my way into the Great Hall, I clutched unconsciously at the Invisibility Cloak; and, swooping it over my head and bending downward so that my feet could not be seen, I slowly creaked the large door of the Great Hall open, making sure that no one's eyes were directly on the door as it slightly swung forward.

The hall was unbelievably crowded. It looked virtually impossible for me to make it through the crowd of people without giving myself away. I let out a disgruntled sigh; defeated, I arose and pulled the cloak from over myself. My appearance seemed to be an all out siren, because as soon as a few people spotted me, everyone turned on their heels, their mouths rising and their cries of gratefulness pouring from their lips. I gave them apologetic smiles, nods, waves, just so that I could escape the sea of people and find who I was actually looking for.

After endless frantic searching, I came to the realization that _she _was no longer in the Great Hall, but elsewhere in the building. I cursed to myself, seeing that searching through Hogwarts for her would be a nothing but a wild goose chase—

"_Goose chase_? I must really have lost my marbles." I spoke to myself, reaching into my back pocket to retrieve the Marauder's Map. As I pointed my newly fixed wand against the map, I murmured "I solemnly swear I am up to no good" and watched as the detailed layout of Hogwarts castle appeared upon the parchment. After glancing long and feverishly for the small dot, I let out a triumphant grunt as I spotted _her _wandering the halls. I turned and hurriedly made my way through the crowd, purposely ignoring the people who called my name or shouted greetings in my direction. (I could only hope that they understood I was overwhelmed and in need of alone time.)

Exiting the Great Hall, I sighed in relief as I was met with a relaxing silence. Staring down at the map, I made my way up the stairs and throughout the halls, heading for the dot that I intently had my eye on, which now stood completely still. I momentarily wondered why _she _had stopped, but knew that I would know once I came upon her.

When I was not far away from her, I tapped the map, chanting the other set of magical words, and then stowed it in my back pocket. I also securely placed my wand into my shirt, making sure that it was packed away as safely as possible. Rounding the corner slowly, I felt my heart beginning to hammer rapidly and my palms starting to sweat as the one person I was looking for appeared before my eyes.

_Her_ back was turned from everything else. She stood before a gaping hole that was on the side of the castle, obviously admiring the darkened sky and the small, abnormally formed illuminated orbs within the sky. The moon halfway shone down on the side of her body, giving her scarlet colored hair a celestial appearance and her clothing an indescribable, unnatural look. Her body was slightly erect, somewhat in concentration, and I could only imagine what she was pondering at this very moment.

Lowering my head to the ground, I began to reconsider talking to her. Her mind was probably on the battle; the shock of almost losing me—I mean the shock of my near death— and the sadness of realizing that she had lost a close family member. Maybe my prescience would be a burden; she had probably walked away to flee the hustle and bustle of the Great Hall for a good reason.

With my eyes narrowed, I began to ease myself backwards. _Slowly now, you don't want her to hear you_—

My wand abruptly took a tumble out of my shirt, falling to the ground upon the rubble that lay scattered below me. Completely disregarding that I was trying to remain hidden, I leaned down, stepping upon the cracked stone and dust, causing an audible sound of crunching.

I heard the sound of clothes rustling in the distance.

"Hello? Who's there?"

The sound of _her _voice made my whole entire body become tense. And of course, this didn't help my cause. Before I was able to regain my composure and snap back to my senses, _she _had appeared around the corner, a look of confusion and slight fear upon her face. Upon seeing me, her expression completely altered: it became soft, almost adoring (at least that's what I wanted to believe), and somewhat blank.

"Oh, Harry," she began, stepping forward, "It's just you! For a moment there I thought you were a Death Eater!"

I let out a nervous laugh.

"Really? Sorry."

I stood to my feet once again and fumbled to put my wand away—I smiled, embarrassment creeping upon my face as she watched me. A comedic look flashed in her eyes, but she didn't comment on my bashfulness. She disappeared back around the corner, quite obviously making her way back to the area that she had been standing before I had rudely interrupted her. I swallowed unbelievably hard, adjusted my hair, smoothed down my clothes, and uneasily made my way around the corner and towards her, my brain intent on trying to keep my body upright.

I came to a halt a few feet behind her. She looked over her shoulder, hearing that I had stopped a far distance behind her.

"Er—" I started, sounding like a pompous idiot.

She let out an amused laugh and lowered her head. "It's okay. You're not interrupting anything important." She gestured for me to come closer.

I exhaled, and then walked up beside her, stopping a couple of feet away from the jagged edge of the gaping hole. When I came to a pause, she looked up at me, giving me another sincere smile.

The monster inside of me purred with ultimate pleasure.

_Don't screw up now, Potter, _my conscience muttered to me. I closed my eyes tightly, trying to repress the urge to blush.

There was a long silence between us as we stood side by side. I was quite glad that I had a while to collect my thoughts. I didn't want to come off as a fool again like I had done before. (My failure at starting a conversation with _her _at the Burrow continues to haunt me in my dreams.) I was also glad that it wasn't an unsettling silence; it seemed as though I was a master at creating uneasy moments—concerning romantic situations.

"I can't believe it's over. Can you?"

Her sudden statement awoke me from my daze.

"To tell you the truth, I can't either. . ."

She tucked her hair behind her ear, revealing the right side of her face.

"It all seems like a dream," she spoke, closing her eyes. "I keep waiting for someone to wake me up, but it seems like this is the real deal. I'm very fortunate of that."

I nodded my head in agreement, seeing that my actions would be louder than words.

"I'm relieved. . . I won't have to worry about Dad. And I can't tell you how scared I was when Voldemort and his followers took over the Ministry. I was afraid that I would wake up one night and get news that something horrible had happened. Either way, my problems are no where near as troubling as your own."

She directed her gaze at me. "Harry, how did you do it? Keeping yourself upright all of this time?"

I narrowed my eyes and remembered the moments in which I would suddenly fall into despair. There seemed to be all too many.

"I'm only human, Ginny. I can't tell you how many times I had to fight to keep going; searching for the Horcruxes, endlessly relocating so that we wouldn't be caught by the "Ministry", walking into the Forbidden Forest . . ." I trailed off, staring out in the distance at the forest, remembering the overwhelming emotion of dread and desolation as I stumbled through the moss and dirt. I turned to Ginny, staring down at her.

"I'm not as powerful as you think."

Ginny stared up at me, her eyes filled with unreadable emotions.

"Harry, you will always be powerful in my eyes."

My eyes widened slowly; I almost allowed my lips to part, but I held them together to keep myself from looking like a gawking fool. Her statement wasn't the only thing that had caused my heart to start beating wildly. Just staring at her had caused my senses to go completely wild. . .

_Her brown eyes. . . _I tried to hold my jaw from moving. I knew that if I was able to speak, something loud, something near the threshold of insanity and desperation would come from my mouth. It was entirely impossible to withhold such a need—

"Ginny, I can't take it anymore," I murmured, my eyes hot with intensifying need.

She stared at me, a look of confusion on her face. It was then swamped with shock; was I staring at her so intensely that I had caused her whole expression to change?

"I guess you can only remember my reasons for breaking up with you last year. I didn't want you getting in danger—I didn't want Voldemort using you or harming you. Voldemort and my apprehension were probably the only things keeping me away from you."

I gulped, taking a deep breath. Here I was now: admitting to my frustrations and feelings, admitting to the one girl I couldn't get my mind off of that I had been fighting the urge of reaching out to her romantically. With extreme anxiety, I wondered what her reaction would be. What if she had found someone else (besides that bastard Dean) and had completely moved on? What if she just upright rejected me? What if she said she wasn't ready for a relationship right now? Even though the last prospect wasn't as bad as it seemed, I still found myself tingling with nervousness.

I wanted to be with _her_—it was urgent.

The monster in my chest would not cease its incessant purring until I succeeded again. It was, at this moment, going completely wild, and ready to plunge from my chest.

"Harry—" her voice seemed to sound apprehensive.

I didn't give her a chance to finish her sentence. Desperate to release my emotions, I grabbed her roughly by the shoulders and stared into her eyes. It was a deep, prolong stare; a stare that could make the sanest man go completely mad. I made a hard swallow, and pushed myself to speak, my voice slightly stuttering and my body beginning to shake.

"_I won't let you say no_."

Suddenly, my apprehension abruptly disappeared and was replaced with determination. The desire from the monster in my chest had engulfed my whole entire body, causing me to morph into someone else other than _Harry James Potter_. Unclenching my hands from her shoulders, I moved forward and softly kissed her, hoping that I would be rejected in no way. But as the kiss carried on, I soon realized that I had won the battle: there was no struggle from Ginny.

The kiss caused me to spiral into an abyss of pure fantasy; it seemed to be déjà vu all over again. I felt the familiar smoldering within my chest, the delicate feeling of her hair between my fingers, and the texture of the small of her back. The frosty air outside held no distraction; it seemed as though being in Hogwarts was no different than hiding elsewhere. We could be found at any second by anyone, standing at the end of the hall, our lips pushed against each other's as we allowed our bodies and souls to intertwine.

It was if we were under the rose—in a secret meeting.

The monster in my chest came to a rest quite slowly, turning into a faint whisper as the moon glowered down upon us from above.

**END**

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**Vocab: **

_Sub rosa – means "under the rose" in Latin; literally means a secretive meeting. _

_I hope you liked it. It became pretty lame towards the end—at least I think so._


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